Sunday, October 6, 2013

Dating Scene in Korea and Koreatown

Here I will try to explain the different methods of dating that take place in the Korean culture. I have found that these are common not only in Korea but also in large Korean communities in America such as Koreatown in Los Angeles or even in certain communities in New York or San Francisco.

The first form of dating is called Sogaeting. This is pretty much the equivalence of matchmaking or a referral from someone you know. Let's say I have a single coworker that I think would be a good match for one of my girl friends. If I get the two to meet, that is sogaeting. The literal translation for sogae is "introduction" or "to introduce".


A second form of dating is called Meeting. Meeting is basically a group dating scene. You remember the old Biggie Small lyrics, "...tell your friends to get with my friends and we can be friends...". Generally this is a similar concept to sogaeting where usually one or two people have chosen to play matchmaker. In this case though, it is a group setting. I can call 2 of my girlfriends, you can call 2 of you guy friends, and we can all meet up to see if anything clicks for anyone. I have seen some meetings consist of groups as large as probably 20 girls and 20 guys. It is hard to not have fun in that type of atmosphere.


A third form of dating is Bongaeting. This is basically internet or online dating. Two people who've met online can choose to meet in person, in a real life date by the form of bongaeting. This literally translates to "lightning", referring to how fast things can take place.


Lastly we have Booking. For lack of better reference, I would compare booking with speed dating by American standards. Generally, most Korean nightclubs will be table service and bottle service only. Meaning a small group of people will usually need to pay for a table (usually with a high minimum) as opposed to the traditional American nightclubs where there is a walk up bar where you can buy drinks one at a time. Those of you who've been to Vegas recently may better understand the bottle service clubs.

Now these nightclubs know that they need to control the female to male ratio to create a fun and sought after environment. The Korean clubs will often offer a group of girls a table with either a free half bottle of liquor or perhaps a discounted bottle to attract pretty girls to the club. The benefit to the girls being that they now don't have to spend $200 or so trying to party. Here is the catch, if the club has a group of guys that want an opportunity to meet some girls, the waiter for the guys will go find one of these groups of girls and bring them over to the guys' table for an introduction and usually at least one drink. These girls can not refuse as that was part of the agreement. The waiter is now playing matchmaker. If I tip my waiter well, he will continue to book girls as often as he can until we can find some girls we click with. This is where I find some similarity to speed dating.

Now before everyone gets all riled up about equal rights or what not, let me point out a few things. First off, the girl's obligation is simply to be introduced to guys. There is no expectation of "hooking up", let alone having to hang out with them for more than a "meet n greet" and a drink. Most of these interactions usually end within 5 minutes or so unless the girl really likes the guy and vice verse of course. For all my feminists out there, if it brings you any comfort, there is also an opposite version of this where the girls can request guys to be sent and introduced. Again, I know people jump to judgments upon hearing of booking but this is actually considered quite normal for Koreans and not sleazy as some people imagine it to be.

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